Resignation

It’s been a long time since I updated my blog, and this period has truly left me mentally exhausted. Since around August 9, I began rotating through positions, and it’s almost been a month now. During that time I asked the department manager roughly how long the rotation would last; the manager replied, "It should start at three months." I asked, "The lower limit is three months, then what about the upper limit?" The manager said, "The upper limit depends on the leader’s mood, on how he arranges things…" That sentence struck me, and I asked an alumnus from earlier, who said it typically takes about a year to start, so in my view this company initially engaged in deception, using the pretext of recruiting front desk staff, while what they actually lacked were workshop workers.

It’s normal too; a standard setup of four stores with 100 people would already be a lot; our store has around 300, about three times more. Many positions are already saturated; they just need workers who can do the job. There are many people with connections in the company; normally a manager would have 1–2 secretaries, but most managers have 5–7 secretaries. The extra people basically come to clock in and leave, then after work come back for dinner and clock in again.

This is also normal; every company has some degree of connected people. I felt a sense of deception and that upward mobility looked bleak, so I resigned, and leaving was very smooth. Fortunately, the payroll at the company was fairly standard; many companies withhold interns’ wages, but at least we clock in normally and receive our wages normally. Before leaving, I even got a birthday red envelope, and I am very grateful.

Thoughts on Quitting Without Another Job

I resigned without another job, which proves the saying: you must think before acting, and wait for your brain to settle before making a decision. In the afternoon I resigned happily, but in the evening I suddenly felt emo, feeling that in the vast Ningbo city center, there is a sense of emptiness from not having a job; my co-tenant who shares the apartment was at work, and I sat alone in the house, aimlessly staring into space.

I’m not emo because I have no money to live; my stress comes from guilt, and guilt often can knock a person down.

I can suddenly understand the feelings of some middle-aged people who have been laid off; by comparison, mine could be considered a minor calamity. They were laid off with no income, with elders to support, a wife, car loans, and mortgages. I can suddenly understand why many people go to take civil service exams…

About Finding a Job and the Subsequent Arrangements

The next day I went straight to look for a job, and I realized the difficulty of employment; many positions require work experience, and in the foreign trade industry there are English proficiency requirements… These are things I didn’t consider during college; venturing out as a three-no person, I felt the harshness of society.

My current goal is clear: to upgrade to a bachelor’s degree; I think for me, the importance of this upgrade is not the diploma itself, because it will say "Upgrade from college to bachelor" on the certificate; what matters is the precious time spent in school. I can use that time to learn professional skills and obtain necessary certificates, and consider my future direction.

However, what matters most right now is the ongoing guilt of not finding a job; what I need to do now is, regardless of whether the job is good or bad, I must first have a job to keep myself busy.

Now I am applying for a freight forwarder documentation position; this role is relatively suitable for me at the moment. 9:00 to 5:30, weekends off, midday 1–2 hours break, working in an office handling dull documents; base salary around 3000, but salary isn’t important to me; what matters is having something to do. And as an intern, I can’t really create much value for the company; 3k is already very acceptable; recognize my level and don’t aim too high…

I still need a lot of time to prepare for the upgrade exam; I need a calm job, which seems to be the most suitable for me right now. That’s my experience over the past month; the weekend is coming soon; wishing everyone a happy weekend.